3 Cubs fans, one set of playoff tickets, one lawsuit

Cubs fans suing a Cubs fan over who has the right to one of the Cubs fan's playoff tickets. An entertaining battle over who has the right to tickets to games that may never exist.

[Chicago Tribune]

Sox fans frantically reaching for excuses

So what's the M.O. for Sox fans when they lose? Find a way to bring up the Cubs.

Sure, we Sox fans are supposed to be breathing into brown paper bags, but this current team really has no business thinking about the ring.

They didn't at the beginning of the season, in a division loaded with loaded teams.

Well, that turned out to be 100% false. The AL Central turned out to be pretty awful. The Indians were extremely overrated and were 16 games under .500 at one point and the Tigers have been terrible wire-to-wire. The Twins are their usually selves, playing solid fundamental baseball, but struggling at times throughout the year when their offense just completely shuts off. And the Royals are, well, the Royals.

So the Sox SHOULD be in this position. They won the World Series just 3 years ago. They have basically the same team, minus another five trades to acquire Carl Crawford.

If it doesn't happen, Sox fans have no real reason to be upset. Envious, certainly, because the Sox are so close, and curious about how Cubs fans will handle the mounting pressure, but upset? With this team?

Actually they should be upset. They've been in first place almost the entire season. They had chances to improve the ball club at the trading deadline, but instead traded away young pitching for the very, very old Ken Griffey Jr. The division was there for the taking. And it still is.

Sox fans are curious as how Cubs fans will handle the mounting pressure? What pressure? Do Cubs fans play in the games? And why are Sox fans so enamored with Cubs fans, anyways?

I told him I saw enough on Wednesday night.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I had to find something more soothing, so I clicked on "Apocalypto." It is a movie about gentle forest people mauled by the Mayans, who painted their victims blue, then chopped their heads off and ripped out their beating hearts, all to appease their haughty and bloodthirsty gods.

So instead of watching the Sox play in a psuedo-playoff game against a supposed hated rival, you watched a movie and then wrote an article where you talked about how you're curious how Cubs fans will handle playoff "pressure?" Got it.

But really, what do you expect? If the Cubs, the Barack Obamas of baseball, had lost pitcher Ted Lilly, their best player Derrek Lee and third baseman Aramis Ramirez, where would they be?

Jose Contreras is not as good as Ted Lilly. Get that out of your head right now. If would be like if the Cubs lost Rich Hill. Oh that's right, they did and evetually replaced him with Rich Harden. That's what good GM's do, they find quality replacements for dire needs. Not go out for pitching help and pick up an 80 year old outfielder.

Joe Crede is not as good as Aramis Ramirez. Get that out of your head right now too. Aramis Ramirez is one of the best hitters in the NL. Joe Crede batted 8th on the Sox. And the Sox knew Crede's back was a problem last season, so they had their chance to find a replacement BEFORE THE SEASON EVEN STARTED. And whatever happened to heralded "superstar in the making" Josh Fields?

And the Cubs did have a season where they lost Derrek Lee. It was devastating. He broke his wrist on a freak play and the Cubs were never the same. Lee did not, however, break his wrist by a complete moron like Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin broke his on his own. So don't compare the two, as Derrek Lee is good and NOT an idiot. Big difference.

And what does labeling the Cubs as the "Barack Obamas" even mean? The Cubs are all hype? Or the Cubs are what everybody needs? Or the Cubs will win in a landslide?

That's reality on the North Side, where everyone is young and pretty and they live on Sugar Mountain, with the barkers and the colored balloons.

On the South Side, the reality is age.

Actually the reality is that you're talking so far out of your ass it's ridiculous. Once again, what does this even mean?

And according to Baseball-Reference.com, the Cubs average age for position players is 30. 30.5 for the Sox. The average age for pitchers on the Cubs? 28.9 while the 28.4 is the average age for the Sox.

You can see it the way Jermaine Dye and future Hall-of-Famer Ken Griffey Jr. play the outfield, painfully diving for balls that they once would have caught standing. It's not their fault. They've grown old.

Take that up with Williams, Kenny. He runs the squad. Here at Sugar Mountain, the Cubs have an 80 year old centerfielder. Lou Piniella, however, uses him wisely to prevent him breaking down. Take that complaint up with Guillen, Ozzie.

The Twins center fielder, Carlos Gomez, is not old. He ran down a deep drive in the left-center gap in the ninth inning Wednesday night in a close game. All Sox TV announcer Hawk Harrelson (who deserves to be in the Hall of Fame announcers wing) could do was make a guttural sound.

Hall of Fame? Holy christ, you can't be serious? Hawk will spend 5 straight innings complaining about an umpire's call. Not mention what's going on during the game. Whine, whine, whine, whine. Hall of Fame for that?

Oh and that "guttural sound" is Hawk announcing the game.

The Twins play ball the way Sox fans wanted the Sox to play baseball, pesky, with speed. Ozzie got some old thumpers instead, who got older.

Not really chief. Sox fans want the Sox to play like the Twins because they won. They want to see winning baseball.

And in case you forgot, the average age for the position players is 30.5, which is not old. Nice excuse though.

So that ends his article. After reading it, you have to ask yourself, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE CUBS? What does the Sox blowing their chance at a division title, choking away a season, getting SWEPT by the Twins in the biggest series of the year have to do with the Chicago Cubs? Seriously, what does it? Why mention the Cubs? What's the fixation that whenever something goes wrong on the Southside, the Cubs have to enter the equation?

What Do You Do When You Have the Best Record in the NL?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

While we all know that the Cubs like to have fun, there is no way this is real. Not because of the flying unibrow, but because we all know Mike Fontenot can't get any brauds.

Another Cubs fan goes off the deep end

There's something inherently creepy about guys and cats. The creep factor raises exponentially if you're forcing the cat to dance with you, while you sing "Go Cubs Go." The topper for all of this: putting it all on YouTube.

YouTube: The worst thing to ever happen to Cubs fans

Mark Cuban is out?

According to Chi Ball and their sources, Mark Cuban is out of the running for Cubs ownership.

Actually, it seems he was never actually in it.

It is a believed by these sources that Zell has used Cuban all along to increase the bidding. The orchestration could have gone as far as inviting Cuban to sit next to Sam Zell’s right-hand man Gerry Spector at a Cubs game in the Tribune seats. A source is quoted as saying “If Mark Cuban didn’t exist, Sam Zell would have made someone like him up, he was a dream come true.”"Cuban is not only out of it, he was never in it.”

The source went on to say that the John Canning group was a favorite of the commissioner’s office but wouldn’t meet the price Ricketts and Cuban went to. The major league owners group however, intimated to Zell they would never approve Cuban. The fact is Jerry Reinsdorf still has great influence over the majority of baseball’s owners.

I'm a little saddened by the rumor, based on the pure curiosity to see what a marketing guru like Mark Cuban would do with the Chicago Cubs. It would have just been interesting to see what would happen.

And is Chi-Ball the worst website out there? The Cuban story this morning, the Mariotti to the Tribune rumors on Monday? STOP RUINING THE INTERNETS WITH YOUR AWFUL RUMORS!!!! At least give us a rumor we'll like every once in awhile. Sheesh.

Yadier Molina just met the Ted Lilly Pain Train

Lilly Molina Collision
by meechone

How do you fire up a lethargic team that seems to be on autopilot to October? You, the teams #3 or possibly #4 starting pitcher, decide you've had enough of your team's shit and run over the other team's catcher. It's pretty rare to see anybody run over the catcher these days. It's almost unheard of to see the pitcher plow the catcher. I'm not even sure Carlos Zambrano would do this. Most pitchers would just assume the out and head back to the dugout to rest for the next inning to pitch. Not Ted.

And as usual, crybaby Tony LaRussa whined about it. Hey lush, it was a clean hit.

Rick Reilly knows not of that "other" Chicago baseball team

From an article written by Rick Reilly on ESPN, about which team is theteam of a given city:

CHICAGO Bears. The Cubbies are the Windy City's cute Labradoodle pets, but the Bears are in the blood. "Everybody in Chicago loves the Bears," admits Cubs shortstop Ryan Theriot. Pro football is to Chicago what airplanes are to Dayton. In third, the Bulls. Fourth, Notre Dame football.

So...

1. Bears
2. Cubs
3. Bulls
4. Notre Dame football

Not mentioning the Blackhawks makes sense, but only as of right now. Give it one more season, hell maybe only until this January, because if the Hawks play well this year with all the young talent on their squad, they could easily over take the Bulls in that #3 spot.

Find any team in the city of Chicago that he omitted? Notice how he put a college in Indiana before another major sporting team in our fair city?

Hilarious. That'll definitely feed the inferiority complex.

How come we have to be associated with this guy?

What did I do wrong?



Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? YouTube might be the worst thing to ever happen to Cubs fans. And that includes a streak of not winning a World Series for 99 years. And Jeff Blauser.

Zambrano finally gets a MRI, news is ok

Carlos Zambrano finally got his MRI and the news appears good.

Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said today's MRI confirmed his theory that Zambrano has rotator cuff tendinitis. If things go well, Zambrano will pitch in Houston during the Sept. 12-14 series.

"It's a relief knowing Z doesn't have anything more significant than what we thought, and hopefully that's it," Hendry said.

Zambrano received an injection of anti-inflammatory medication.

Forget the Astros series, if you ask me. Which nobody ever does. Rest Zambrano and give him 2 starts before the playoffs start, in order to shake off rust and work on his command. In the meantime, the Cubs bats just need to wake up. Cincinnati is the perfect place to do that.

So everybody breathe. 22 games left. Only 6 at home. 6 more with Milwaukee. Check that, everybody hold your breath.