God Piles on the Cubs

While Kevin Foster is likely forgotten as a baseball player by most average fans, there are a few of us who remember Foster and are sad to see he passed away this weekend after a bout with cancer. He was a decent pitcher who played on some just flat out horrible Cubs teams, but he had a respectable 32-30 career record.

While death and getting knocked out of the playoffs are obviously different things, I have a warning for former Cubs pitchers: Be Careful. First Geremi Gonzalez and now Kevin Foster this year, and as we know this tends to happen in groups of three. Jamie Moyer may want to take a few uppers to make sure he survives the World Series.

Kevin Fosters passes away(foxsports.com)

Mocking of the Cubs continues on SNL...

Bill Murray's face after Barack Obama's response has been mine for over a week now.


I'll get over it. At least that's what I keep telling myself...


[Thanks to Chris for the video]

America's Favorite Sport: Mocking the Cubs & Cubs Fans

As Deadspin points out, mocking the Cubs and their fans is America's new sport.

Here's The Daily Show's take:



All over the news and on message boards everywhere, some Cubs fans are giving up on their team, as they can no longer take it.

To that, I say: Good. Don't come back. Maybe I can finally move up on the season ticket waiting list now.

Steve Rosenbloom still masturbating to Cubs losses

And Sox fans have the nerve to claim they don't care more about the result of a Cubs game than a Sox game. I think we can put that to rest now.

Steve Rosenbloom masturbates to Cubs losses

White Sox fan Steve Rosenbloom is claiming IT'S ALL OVER for the Cubs after last night's loss. Only a White Sox fan can get this excited and overact this much to one Cubs loss.

It wouldn't be an article by a White Sox fan unless he found a way to compare the Sox and Cubs. I mean the Sox didn't even play last night, so he probably didn't, right? He would look like a complete asshat and one of those scumbags that were interviewed after tuesdays sox win that were screaming "Cubs suck" when asked how they felt about the Sox beating the Twins. No way he does that.

Stockton was reading a promo for Thursday's playoff tripleheader on TBS that starts with White Sox-Rays and I'm wondering, how many Cubs fans were already eating their guns over the prospect of the Cubs' getting swept while fearing the Sox's winning another title.

Wrong, unbelievable. Actually it's unbelievable that I thought he wouldn't do it. This is the same game who said that the Sox should forfeit their games against the Twins. Now the Sox are winning the whole thing, the Cubs are getting swept, and Cubs fans are about to commit suicide over all of this.

Stay classy, Steve.

Steve, Cubs play at 8:30pm tonight. If the Cubs play like they did last night, keep the lotion nearby.

Cubs vs. Dodgers Prediction time

I think the Cubs will win this series in a 3 game sweep. The Cubs have the complete package as far as pitching, hitting, defense, and coaching is considered. They played in one of the toughest divisions in all of baseball and are primed for an October run. The Dodgers squeak in coming out of one of the worst divisions in the history of baseball and were a pathetic 36-45 on the road. The Cubs have homefield advantage, they have a powerful lineup, and they win this series 3 in a row.

And Jeff Kent has a poorly constructed mustache.



Here are some other predictions on the series:

Dave says:
The Cubs will win in 4 games because baseball isn't about curses, destiny, or praying to God for a win. It's about speed, timely hitting, and a lockdown pitching staff as well as the occasional good bounce, like when the Sox in 2005 got the "drop third strike call" to go there way. (Screw you AJ it didn't fucking bounce, and enjoy Tampa Bay having their way with you. Although you are used to guys having their way with you on a regular basis.) The Cubs were the best team in the NL for a reason, and while Manny makes a big difference he only hits once every time through the line up. Plus Chan Ho Park is on their team. Enough said.

reader Cubs fan Ryan says:
The cubs will win in 4 games because they are a better team and because a friend of mine who works at Wrigley as an assistant to the locker room attendent signed for a shipment of what he was simply calling "uppers" that was addressed to Carlos Zambrano. I think that's probably all Carlos needs to get back to form.

reader Cubs fan Dan says:
The Cubs will win in 4 games because of the ridiculous way Joe Torre perches his hat.

reader Cubs fan Chris says:
The Cubs will win in 2 games because Carlos Zambrano will kill everyone on the Dodgers.


And reader White Sox fan Kevin says:
The Cubs will win in 5 games because the Dodgers won’t be able to overcome Manny distracting his entire team by demanding a trade after even winning Game 1, Nomar getting hurt like the b*tch he is for the 99th time this year but not telling anyone and trying to play through it, Joe Torre not being able to tell between the 3 Asians on his pitching staff and starting Chan Ho Park instead of Hiroki Kuroda and Greg Maddux showing his true colors and pulling a Tim Donaghy and deliberately throwing a potential clinching Game 4 for the Dodgers at home.


What other predictions about this series do you have?

The perfect place to bury your Sox fan family member

Alfonso Soriano must bat 1.000, pitch no-hitters, solve financial crisis

Greg Couch is putting the entire playoffs on Alfonso Soriano's shoulders. Not the Cubs. Not the team in a team sport. Alfonso Soriano. It's all on him.

Take one pitch, Alfonso. Just one. Send a sign. Show that you mean it, that you've really changed.

Why is he taking pitches, again? Soriano batted .280/.344/.532 this season for the highest scoring offense in the National League.

On the first pitch this season when Alfonso swings, he's batting .414/.424/.776, so why is he taking the first pitch again?

And how did I come with this number? It's called research. You can do that on the internet. Try it sometime.

Last year, you swung at the first pitch in the playoffs, swung as hard as you could and grounded out. Take one today against the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 1 of the division series.

I see, so the Cubs lost the series because Soriano got the first out of the game on the first pitch. Once again, Alfonso Soriano is batting .414/.424/.776 when he swings at the first pitch. If Derek Lowe grooves one to start off the bottom of the 1st, Alfonso Soriano better be swinging. End of story.

Alfonso Soriano had better be good. He had better be better than he was last year if the Cubs are going where they belong: the World Series.

Actually everybody on the Cubs needs to be better than last year. Not just Soriano. Why single out Soriano?

''I have to select at home plate,'' he said the other day. ''I have to select and take my pitch. That's what I'm trying to work on.''

You mean, you really changed your thinking based on last year's playoff disaster?

Wait a second. So the entire Cubs season hinges on whether or not Alfonso Soriano is taking pitches at the plate? That is just so ridiculously absurd. It has nothing to do with the other 7 hitters in the lineup along with Soriano, no no no. It's all on Soriano's ability to take a couple pitches. Un-fucking-believable. And the media wonders why nobody takes them seriously anymore, that nobody takes their word as scripture anymore.

This time, they are for real. In real terms, they need Soriano.

And the other 24 guys on the roster. If Soriano hits well and the others don't, are you saying the Cubs win the World Series? Cause it sure sounds like it and you would be dead fucking wrong.

And it does seem he has changed. At the time, it seemed impossible to forget Soriano's play against Arizona last year. The best way to describe it? Me, me, me. He had only two singles the whole series, and one of them was a fly ball to the wall. He made it only to first because he had stood at the plate to admire it and show off.

Aramis Ramirez had 0 hits. Cliff Floyd had 0 hits. Geovany Soto had 1 hit. The team batted .194 for the series. So why does Soriano only get the blame?

Here was Soriano, the highest-paid player, the guy who was supposed to put the Cubs over the top. And he didn't look as if he understood baseball.

Don't you think your salary makes people look to you for more?

Aramis Ramirez had 0 hits and struck out 5 times. That was Soriano's fault, too, huh?

''Can be,'' he said. ''But that's nothing to me. I'm human, not Superman or whatever.''

No. Human is Ryan Theriot, Reed Johnson.

So is that a slam on Theriot and Reed Johnson? Does that mean Ronny Cedeno is Superman, since he wasn't mentioned in the human comment? Why does Aramis Ramirez get a pass for last year but Soriano doesn't?

Has he really changed? He can prove it on the first pitch.

I hope to God he swings and belts one into the seats. And if he doesn't, oh well. The game doesn't end there, despite what Greg says.

Wow, another Steve Bartman story

It's getting to the point where you almost want the Cubs to win the whole thing so the media will shut up about these stories.

If Steve Bartman went on a murder spree, killing over a million people and I were the judge, I'd let him go free. The MEDIA, NOT Cubs fans, won't let this go. Nobody cares. Stop regurgitating the same tired stories.

Cubs on an Etch-A-Sketch

If this is fake, then consider me duped. This is a ridiculous talent. When I was 10, I prefected the art of drawing boobs on an Etch-A-Sketch. I'm guessing what this guy could do would put my drawings to shame.

What will Brewers fans do if they win the whole thing?

That's just ..... I don't even know what to say.


[PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com]